Why the child does not save the relationship with the partner

“A child is to a relationship what the wind is to a fire,” the psychologist Cerasela Rogen very nicely pointed out in a speech on the subject of managing the couple’s relationship among new parents. From this we understand that if the fire is strong, the wind will only keep it burning, while in the case of a weak flame, a gust of wind will be enough to extinguish everything. Find out with Barza why the baby doesn’t save the relationship with your partner!

Why having a baby can create tension in a couple

You probably know of at least one couple relationship that seems to have deteriorated after the birth of a child. The researchers also looked at the rate of divorces that occur suddenly, especially after the first child appears.

• 67% of couples perceive a decline in their relationship, citing a lack of time, intimacy and communication or unequal sharing of responsibilities as reasons for one partner to distance themselves;
• 24% of men feel neglected because all their partner’s energy is focused on the baby.

Therefore, the child does not save the relationship with the partner if things are not harmonious in the couple before conception.

Six things to do before bringing a baby into the world

Make sure he wants a baby too. It’s important to know for sure that he wants to be a parent with you. Also, be sure that your loving relationship is a healthy one, based on respect as well as trust.

Don’t force his hand, hoping a child might hold him accountable. You might not get the desired effect, so he might actually feel overwhelmed by the new role, which could make him disappear from the picture.

Consider whether it has any dangerous vices. If she doesn’t re-evaluate her lifestyle, you may be at risk of failing to create a developmentally appropriate environment for your baby.

Be aware of and comfortable with the profession/time your partner devotes to their work. It’s not fair to then make him choose or blame him for not spending enough time with you and your baby.

Go to a parenting class. You need to understand everything that is involved in the birth and upbringing of a child.

Set your priorities honestly and leave no room for regrets. Move forward in your career if you love your profession and if you feel this is your time.

Six things NOT to do after having a baby

Don’t isolate yourself and your baby in another room. Don’t kick your partner out of your bed, because it’s important not to deprive them of the first steps of your threesome. The shock of the changes shook him, not just you. Help him step into his new role.

Don’t hesitate to ask your partner for help. Agree to let yourself be helped. Your child’s father doesn’t have to be a bystander, make it clear what your needs are and involve him in activities.

Don’t be so stubborn as to stick to the baby 24 hours a day. Don’t ignore the things you miss. At least once a week leave your baby with someone you trust and get out of the house for a while.

Don’t live with the feeling that if you stay at home all day, you’re not entitled to ask for help. Communicate openly with your partner, relatives, friends. It’s natural to have moments when you feel overwhelmed by everything you experience as a new mother.

Don’t always blame your partner for being away or no longer attracted to you. He’s as excited and scared as you are about the new experience, and it’s great that he’s going to work to support his family. That’s why it’s important to be understanding and not give in to negative emotions. Don’t interrogate him or accuse him falsely.

Don’t hesitate to let your partner know that he is still your man, your lover, your husband. Don’t replace the old formulae of mommy and daddy (you’ll contribute to the dulling of the sexual need, against an already low libido).